Fading Touch
by SaberMay
Summary: News of Snoke's death travels fast across the galaxy and a bid for power ensues. Distracted by the events of Crait, and constant, uninvited...visits, Kylo Ren is caught off guard during an attack. He's badly injured and plunges into a coma. Teetering between life and death in the dark, the only person that can reach him, and possibly save him, is a girl he wishes he could hate.
1. Prologue

A/N: Reylo is my second OTP. I need FanFiction to survive the next two years…

Disclaimer: No own, no sue.

* * *

 **Fading Touch**

 _Prologue_

…

It hits Rey harder than anything ever has.

At first, she feels the slight shift in her mind and a flicker of familiarity that makes her heart jump in apprehension. She knows the feeling well by now and she waits with slightly clenched fists for the inevitable moment that light brown eyes stare back at her, glaring and simmering with something dark. He's always glaring at her when it starts.

She wonders if luck will be on their side. Maybe he's in the middle of another meeting, or if he's busy working at a desk. He's always doing something and rarely sits still. It would be slightly more bearable if it were a simple situation like that. But…maybe luck won't be on their side. She wonders if she'll see him crying again, fumbling when her eyes meet his and trying desperately to hide it from her…

She takes a fraction of a moment to be grateful she's not the one sitting alone in her room covered in tears right now. He's appeared behind her in that embarrassing state so many times already. The persistent link is utterly unpredictable, but it always seems to connect them most during times of weakness - during times that both of them need solitude.

Embarrassing. Nerve-wracking. Unfair. Intrusively intimate.

' _Comforting…'_ a tiny voice in her head tries to tell her.

Those words barely scratched the surface of describing what it's like to have him pop into every personal moment of her life the past month.

How bad will the yelling get this time? The back and forth arguments of betrayal and blame are never-ending. He doesn't listen when she tries to reach out to him. Will they even speak at all, or will they sit in agonizingly tense silence until the end? It stings as bad as the fighting. The ache she feels in her chest when that happens is unbearable.

She doesn't have the time to wonder which of the two choices was worse. He's almost here. She waits and waits. It's barely a few seconds, but it's never taken this long. The air in front of her is empty where he should be. That's when she knows something is different. This is not right.

For the first time since Snoke created this connection between them, she's pulled _in_.

It hits her with more force than anything she's ever felt, and it happens so fast that she can't finish her train of thought. Her ears ring, her vision fails her, and a thousand knives pierce every inch of her skin all at once. Nothing is spared, and the pain she feels is so intense that it savagely rips her breath away.

It's pain, then it's smoldering heat, and then it's _fear_.

All of it brings her to her knees.

Black, red, and awful shocks of white flash before her eyes. A blood-curdling scream rips from her throat and echoes through the chasm in her mind. She grabs her head, nails digging into her skin so hard that she bleeds. Somewhere, a door opens and footsteps run toward her. Hands grab her shoulders as someone yells her name.

"Rey….what's happening…you…Rey-"

The voice disappears, swallowed by the dark.

Panic overcomes her and she tries to get away from what's happening, but there's nowhere to run. This place is entirely _him_. She can feel him reach toward her as he hurts her. A hand that brushed so softly against hers only a few nights ago grips her like a vice, and it's tearing her to shreds. It's more than she can take. She can't fight this. She's not even sure she can _survive_ this.

She screams Ben's name and begs him to stop.

His grip tightens and heat engulfs her all over again. A different kind of sting pierces through her chest when she realizes he's not stopping; he's not going to. His decision hurts. She spent every day trying to convince herself that what he said was a lie told only to manipulate her. _You're nothing, but not to me._

But this…this shatters every sliver of hope she had that he was telling the truth, and her will to fight falters.

After all those moments in the past month of seeing the conflict on his face, this is what it boiled down to. The shadow of a second when he looked at her with hidden pleas in his eyes that told her he needed her help even when his words wouldn't - it meant nothing now.

She thinks it's over, but just when her broken pleas start to fade, something changes.

In the midst of the crushing pain, she hears him. It's not words he speaks, though. It's something she does not expect and her entire body freezes. They're his thoughts, and they are not cold and heartless like she expected them to be. They are just as chaotic as hers. He's panicking, just like her, and the hold that grips her isn't his at all.

He's bound by the darkness, too. He's more afraid than her. There's more heat surrounding him, and far, far more pain. She's shocked and realizes he's not the one doing this to her. Something terrible is happening to both of them.

She's able to reach out, just barely, and calls his name. He doesn't hear her, and she screams again as his thoughts continue to intertwine with hers. They're so loud and powerful that she can't keep them back. He's coming apart so quickly and hurting worse than she thought. Feeling terrified for entirely new reasons, she stumbles forward, searching desperately for him.

The air around them trembles. Time is running out.

She doesn't know how she knows that. It feels as if every fiber of her being is telling her the longer she was here, the more danger she was in. Death was alarmingly near, closing in like a monster searching for her in the dark.

She needs to find a way out of this _now_.

But she can't. Ben. She couldn't leave him here. Not like this. He had no idea what was going on; the agony he was feeling was too much for him. There was no way he was getting out on his own. If she didn't find him soon, he was going to-

"Ben!"

She screams and the desperation in her voice cuts through the chaos. This time, it works. It barely makes it to him, but he hears her. The world around her shakes and begins to shatter. She throws her hand out and reaches into the dark again, hoping with all she had that he will find her.

Just as everything comes crashing down on them, he grips onto her.

* * *

A/N: How was this for a prologue? Did I succeed in making you curious for more? Don't worry, next chapter we are backtracking a bit and jumping into Kylo's head. See ya next time!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Thank you so much for the feedback last chapter! I loved hearing your thoughts! There is going to be a three-part setup before we catch up with what happened to Rey last chapter.

Disclaimer: No own, no sue.

* * *

 **Fading Touch**

 _Chapter One_

…

Everything is falling apart.

It's days after they picked up and left Crait, and word of what happened spread like wildfire across the galaxy. Snoke is dead. The Supremacy is nothing but heaps of junk floating through space. Starkiller Base is still very much destroyed. The most powerful order in the galaxy was badly crippled by a measly rag-tag team of rebels, and everyone heard about it.

Days. That's all it took.

Everyone is up in arms over it, and Kylo Ren is now rushing to declare himself leader before anyone else tries. Snoke never did discuss succession. The fool. He probably thought he was going to live forever.

He's walking down the hall with others trailing behind him, keeping their distance because he's been more violent since they left that damned planet than he has his whole life. He checks his reflection as he passes a metal wall and sees his bloodshot eyes, wide and hard with a strained look in them. He can't help but clench his fists as he finally admits to himself he looks and feels like a wreck.

He's not up for diplomatic talk today. He was Snoke's protégé and arguably the right hand of the First Order. The title of Supreme Leader should be his without question. If they weren't talking over a holo, he'd Force choke every one of those 'leaders' until they swore fealty to him and shove his lightsaber through those who refused.

He'll have to settle with threatening to obliterate whatever planet or ship they're staying on instead.

Huffing in irritation, he closes his eyes. He feels her before he sees her, and when they open again his heart jumps into his throat. His feet come to an instant halt and those following him quickly stop as well. They're too afraid to ask why his eyes are widened as they fix on something in the hall in front of them.

There she is – Rey. The reason he hasn't been able to sleep the past few nights. The reason he tremors during the day as he remembers waking up in a room of red. Abandoned. Betrayed. _Alone_.

She flinches in surprise when she sees him. Her eyes are wide too and she's probably thinking the same thing he is – Snoke is dead. Why is this still happening?

However, it isn't long before the surprise is gone. She gives him _that_ look again. There's also slight wisps of emotion coming from her, and they are nothing but heavy feelings of being let down. It pierces right through him and lodges into a place that bleeds something close to regret. But it's gone in an instant, like a fleeting whisper, as he buries it deep beneath anger.

He glares at her fiercely and continues walking, ignoring her as he passes.

He can't get away from her, though. They found out in the beginning that no matter how far they split, every time they turn around the other will still be there. He doesn't want to look at her when he's in the meeting room, so he walks over to a window and stares out. He'll let Hux start.

It plays out exactly as he thought it would. Typical and boring. Greetings are exchanged and he has to listen to one of them go on a monologue about how tragic the loss of their leader is. It takes every shred of concentration he has to focus on what's going on, but it's not enough.

His calm, collected demeanor starts to slip because she's still here and hasn't spoken a single word. She won't stop boring holes into his back with those judgmental eyes.

"And what of the resistance?" someone over the holo asks.

"They will suffer dearly for killing our Supreme Leader," says another, "but they have retreated into hiding for now. In wake of the disaster with the Supremacy and Starkiller Base, many are talking of an uprising. We should divert our resources elsewhere for the time being-"

"No," he interrupts coldly. "I want them found."

"Chasing after them is not a wise decision. They number barely in the hundreds right now. The resources we have need to be sent to areas-"

Lucky for Kylo, the one who's arguing with him is present in the room. The other's words stop as he reaches through the air and cuts off his air supply. In a panic, the man claws at the empty air in front of him until he's harshly shoved against a wall.

"I said I want them found! All of them! We're going to send everything we have after them until every last resistance fighter is dead!"

The pure rage does more than make people jump. There's a slight rumble in the room and those in it look around nervously. He knows he's the one causing it. His emotions are getting the better of him, but he's so far from caring that it doesn't faze him. He can't calm down. Not with those blasted hazel eyes on him.

There's a long, tense pause before someone else says, "Very well…"

The man falls to the floor gasping as Kylo lowers his hand. He looks over his shoulder at the empty spot Rey was only moments ago.

* * *

That night, he destroys a room. It's a training area and it's dripping with sparks by the time he leaves. He doesn't stop until everything is broken, bent, or in a state that doesn't irritate him. It terrifies the people that witness it and it grants him a little satisfaction.

Good, he thinks, they _should_ be afraid of him.

In the morning, he hears whispers of what they're saying about Crait. Luke Skywalker has returned and his apprentice, the new Jedi, is responsible for Snoke's death. When he walks in on the conversation, he doesn't bother to mention that Skywalker is already dead, just like his master. He's saving that announcement for the next galactic meeting.

Oh yes, he knows about the fate of his former teacher. He didn't feel it when it happened, but as he calmed down to where his emotions were not fraying at the seams, he felt it. The emptiness in the force where Skywalker's shadow lingered no matter how hard he tried to cut himself off. He _knows_ he's dead.

And it eats away at him that he wasn't the one who did it.

It tempts him to tell everyone that he's the one who killed Snoke. At least he could have the satisfaction of being able to claim he ended ones of their lives – the masters who both reached into his mind and twisted him. He groveled to both at different times in his life and it disgusts him to think about it now.

As he reels over the memory of them both, he halts when a sense of realization hits him. A whisper echoes through his thoughts.

' _Hypocrite,'_ it says.

There's one other who's done far worse to him in turning his world upside down. He tells himself he wishes a violent death on her just the same as the other two. He thought declaring it in front of everyone – in front of her – would plant the seed to make him believe it.

It only does the opposite. She's nothing like his former masters. People who have gotten into his head have always been the same, until her. Since he said the menacing words yesterday, every time he pictures her anything other than alive and well brings on a hollow sense of emptiness.

It makes him want to demolish another room.

* * *

The connection with Rey is tormenting him. The first time she appeared was hard enough, but it's worse when it happens again when he's in his quarters about to leave. He's staring at the reflection of his eyes in a mirror. They're still bloodshot and wide, and there's a look on his face that feels a little foreign. The person he's looking at is about to burst. Again.

He feels her again and looks past his shoulder to see her staring at him. She blinks in surprise like she did before and looks around uncomfortably. He glares, grabs his hooded cape, and stomps past her to get to the door.

"I don't have time for this," he hisses as it opens.

"Wait! Stop!"

He shouldn't, but he does. Instead of immediately saying something, she's quiet for a long time. The tense silence only ends when he turns to face her. She slowly looks him over until settling on his eyes. "You look terrible," she says.

"You're concerned for my wellbeing now?"

' _Are you really?_ ' he wonders.

She frowns and turns away. "I'm not particularly."

He clenches his jaw from the slight sting those words cause. "I have somewhere I need to be."

"Another meeting to talk about how you're going to kill us all?"

"Yes."

He tries to turn and leave, but, again, she stops him. "Wait."

"What do you want?" he asks, perturbed.

"I want to know why you're doing this."

"Doing what?"

"I heard every word you said yesterday. You're sending everything after us."

"Of course I am."

"We have nothing. You know that, don't you? We've lost so many and we're barely holding together!"

"What are you expecting right now, Rey?" he asks. "You think I'm going to take pity on the resistance? I think you've forgotten who I am."

"I haven't forgotten." He doesn't like the look she gives him with that answer.

"The resistance has caused enough damage already. The Supremacy is gone, the Supreme Leader is dead-"

"He's not dead because of the resistance," she interrupts.

It's a spear through the tension in the air. He's thought of nothing but this moment since he woke up and she was gone - after she told him he wasn't alone anymore. He slams his hand on the controls to shut the door, then whirls around. His rationale leaves him, and the well-thought words he thought he'd tell her once this happened go with it. Instead, unchecked thoughts leave his mouth.

"You're right. I was the one who betrayed the First Order, I committed high treason, and I was the one that killed him! We are in this situation because of _me_!"

"Then why are you telling everyone it was my fault?!"

"What other choice did you give me? You expect me to own up to that after you-" he grits his teeth for a moment. "Things did not turn out the way I thought they would. I expected something else, not you trying to kill me."

"I wasn't going to kill you."

"Yes, you were," he says coldly. "You can hide it now, but you couldn't then. You thought killing me was your last hope."

"That's not true."

He knows for certain she's lying when he senses her confliction, however small. It's odd she's denying it. If there is one thing he knows for certain about her, it's that she has impeccable honesty and never seems to have use for lies. Until now, it appears.

"I risked everything to save your life."

"Snoke wasn't everything to you."

He tilts his head with a scowl. "You sound so sure of yourself."

"If he was, do you wish you could take it all back?"

He freezes, blinking at her, and the memory of Snoke holding Rey in the air, torturing her, flashes before his eyes. He wants to say 'Of course I do!', but he doesn't. He can't…

The hard look in her eyes falters. "Ben-"

"Do _not_ call me that," he snaps, completely unnerved by that stupid name. "Ben Solo is dead!"

He can sense a shift in her thoughts, and he is mad enough that he tries to intrude on them without a second's hesitation. He knows she can feel him doing it, and it surprises him when she lets him in. It's barely enough to understand anything at all, but he can feel the hurt. She wishes he would have come with her.

"You're the one who left," he says quietly.

' _You abandoned me after everything I did for you, after everything you said.'_

He doesn't mean for her to hear that, but he's too unfocused and she does. It sounded weak, desperate, and absolutely pathetic, making his cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"You know why I did. I can't follow you. Not with the choice you made."

She pushes him out of her mind, and the look he hates is back – the judging one. He flinches slightly and turns his back to her because he doesn't know what else to do.

Damn this connection and everything it's done to him. Damn it now because he wants to be alone and he can't get away. He can't stand the way she's glaring at him, haunting his thoughts and…tempting him in the worst kind of ways. The pull to the light…the need to beg again…the overwhelming desire to reach out and touch her.

It's pitiful what she does to him. He just wants this link _gone_.

Suddenly, another memory flickers before his eyes. He lowers his head a little as it spurs a dark thought. There might be a way he can get out of this. Temporarily, at least. The first time they connected, Rey almost ended it when she shot him with a blaster. When she tried to kill him, so to speak, it nearly shattered the connection. With just a little more force...

His lightsaber was inches away. If he just-

His breath hitches. The image of him turning that thing on and slashing her with an intent to kill, even if he knows it wouldn't really hurt her, rocks him to his core. He swallows hard and looks at her through the reflection of a mirror.

* * *

Their conversations aren't much different for the next week. If they talk, that is. It happens so rarely now. He's taken to ignoring her as much as possible. He spends more time on the bridge or mostly public places so he has an excuse not to open his mouth when she's around.

'You abandoned me'? Pathetic, so utterly pathetic and he still can't believe she heard that. It makes him nervous that he'll say something else. He's still feeling rattled and hasn't been able to sleep or calm down since Crait, and she triggers him so easily. The chances are high his words will betray him again.

So, he's stiffer than usual and snappier when it comes to giving orders. He walks past her like she's not even there. He glares at her back as Hux speaks nonsense to him, and sometimes when his narrowed eyes go further down her backside than they should, he lets out a sigh and buries his face in reports.

Rey doesn't seem to mind. She ignores him just as easily, constantly turning her back to him and reading something in her hands. Her willingness to give the same treatment he's giving her so simply only serves to piss him off more. She should be the one getting irritated by the lack of eye contact, _not_ him.

Even in silence, the tension builds and it blows up later when they're away from prying eyes and ears.

"You tried to kill me, then you left."

"You gave me no choice."

"I meant it when I said you weren't alone, but I see now that when you said it back to me it was just another lie."

"It wasn't a lie! You're the one who threw it away when I tried to help!"

"I don't need help," he says with spite. "I offered you everything."

"I don't want it."

' _You don't want me,_ ' is all he can think when she says that.

No matter how hard he tries, she's always the one who manages to get to him first right before the end. She calls him that stupid name and hints of sadness intertwine with her words. The incredible weight of being let down – she thrusts that on him with those hazel eyes until he feels like he's being crushed. It's unfair.

It bothers him most that she doesn't look as tormented over that day as he is. His words slowly turn harsher, he doesn't spare the venom in his voice, and the aggression gets worse. She deserves it.

Rey meets him with the same treatment and he thinks the cold, bitter remarks are going to turn into full-blown yelling eventually. Though, it never makes it to that point.

The day he finds her crying, reduced to a state he thought he wanted her to be, he doesn't feel an ounce of satisfaction. It brings things to a sudden halt.

* * *

He just walked away from another meeting. There's talk of people not recognizing him as Snoke's successor. They're saying others in the First Order intend to vie for power and won't recognize the Commander, him, as the next in line.

The news has him stressed and angry, but how is that different from every other moment of his life these days?

He needs to be alone. Just a few minutes of solitude to think about what his next move will be, but of course he doesn't get it. He feels the familiar pull of the connection that's always there before Rey comes to him. He quickly steps into his quarters because he's not going to be caught arguing with a wall if that's what's going to happen this time around.

Right away, something is different and it makes him halt mid-step. He feels her before he sees her, and this…he's never felt this before. Pain. Hurt. Loss…

Her emotions are unchecked and frayed; so unlike her usual, stiff self. She sits cross-legged at the far side of his room with her face buried in her hands, crying.

His eyes widen and he stands there awkwardly, watching her. She lifts her head and looks over her shoulder. She spots him and immediately straightens up, then quickly wipes her eyes and tries to compose herself. It doesn't work.

"I don't want to fight today," she says with a sniffle, trying and failing to sound callous.

The pleading edge throws him off guard and he can't find the will to glare or say something mean. Though, that doesn't mean he's going to offer her a reassuring acknowledgment. He slowly walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge with his back to her. He can feel her trying to reign in her emotions, but she's not doing a very good job. Neither is he with keeping them away. He tries to distract himself with reading reports, but his eyes scan over empty words.

What was it that made her this way? Did someone do something to her?

' _You,_ ' says the little voice. ' _You did this._ '

He bites his cheek and slashes at the voice until it turns to dust.

Her sniffles lessen only briefly before the tears start running again. She tries to keep it quiet, but he hears well enough. He feels her slip again and it's awful the way it tugs at him. It's unfair to be stuck like this, forced to feel like this, unable to leave.

"There was a vigil today," she says. "Things have been so out of control, but now they're not, and...we had one for those we lost. I didn't know most of them, but I didn't expect to feel this way. There were so many…"

"Why are you telling me this?"

He hears her answer through her thoughts, just like she heard his the last time, and he's willing to bet she doesn't intend it.

" _You're the only one here, and I need someone to listen."_

' _I'm not going to comfort you with this, Rey.'_

She sucks in a breath, surprised.

"Don't do that," she snaps.

"You are the one reaching out to me. There's not much I can do when you won't stop."

She tries to pull away from him, but it's a clumsy attempt that doesn't change much. "I'm not trying to."

"I know. You don't know how to control it when you're feeling this way, do you?"

"No…"

So, Skywalker was an even worse teacher to her during those few weeks than he assumed. He'll begrudgingly admit that he isn't the best at keeping his thoughts from projecting, but at least he knows how. Rey is a prodigy when it comes to learning the ways of the Force, but there's only so much that can be self-taught.

He wonders for a moment. Temptation slips in again. He knows he shouldn't, he knows he's not supposed to let himself do this again after she rejected him the first time, but...

' _I can show you.'_

There's a slight flicker of need, but it comes and goes so fast that he's not sure that's what it was. Still, he's positive he feels something other than instant rejection, and he's very aware of the way she doesn't give him an answer and changes the subject.

"When I was with Luke, and you were there that night," she says quietly, "I saw you in my vision. I know it was real. This – whatever this is that Snoke did to us – I don't know what to think of it. But I know that vision was real."

He looks down and hunches forward, leaning on his knees.

"But then you-"

She wipes her eyes again. The incredible sense of loneliness she feels covers him like a wave, and, once again, he doesn't do much to block it. It goes right through the fight he puts up. It's too familiar - the same feeling that's been hovering over him like a shadow since they-

His fist trembles.

No. This needs to stop. He's not going to let himself feel this. It's gone too far already. She left. She made her choice. She rejected him when he reached out to her, raw and needing. Told him no, then tried to kill him again.

If it weren't for this damn connection, he could be free of her. He won't have to look at her every day and feel so lost and confused. He'll force himself to say the words he said to Skywalker until he believes them. _I'll destroy her_. Then…one day he'll do it.

But…

What he saw when they touched was real. His master had nothing to do with that. A large part of him still clings to it and the possibility.

"I can feel it still," she says.

"Feel what?"

She closes her eyes and something brushes across his face. Nothing is in front of him, but he knows it's her. It makes his heart jump. "The struggle in you. I can feel it right now."

He tightens both fists and finally shoves her thoughts away, putting a thick wall between them to hide his pathetic weakness.

"Was it all just a lie?" she asks.

He doesn't answer and it's about the cruelest thing he can do right now. The tears stop, but the sense of loneliness does not and fills the air completely. He doesn't move until he's alone.

When she's gone, he's free of the crippling emotions she couldn't control. But they've already gotten to him and the damage is done.

"No," he says to the empty room.

* * *

Kylo doesn't realize he's been in a haze since Crait until the day he comes out of it, and he wishes he hadn't. His earlier observation was right. The person staring back at him in the mirror was close to bursting again, and it is far worse than he ever imagined it could be.

His air of denial comes crashing down when he's alone in a room with a huge, floor-to-wall window displaying a planet they're going to go down to in the morning. There's a massive pink and orange nebula behind it and the warm color seems to touch everything but him.

He reaches up and runs a hand over his face and lingers on his scar. The sound of Rey crying quietly echoes through the room and he freezes. He looks around, but she's not there. Perhaps it isn't a far stretch to say he's going crazy. He certainly looks the part.

Rey's crying isn't the only thing that haunts him. Her words do too. The resistance held a vigil and he can see the two candles they lit for Han Solo and his mother. He pushes the idea away like he always does, but this time it doesn't leave.

Then the images bring on something far worse.

' _You took everything away from yourself, and now there's nothing left.'_

Snoke is dead. Skywalker is dead. He only realizes now that they're gone what a heavy influence they had on his identity. In one way or another, they always gave him purpose. Whether it was the need to do whatever it took to meet the expectations of one or kill the other, it was still _purpose_.

And now they were just…gone. He's alone, but no matter. He has the galaxy at his fingertips, right?

He is going to officially be the Supreme Leader soon. His daydreams over the years of power and control are coming to fruition. The galaxy is his for the taking. But it's suddenly not good enough.

When he closes his eyes to wonder why, to scream at the dark and ask why everything he thought ever wanted doesn't bring him the peace of mind and fulfillment it's supposed to, the answer he gets is one he does not want to see.

He asks, and the only thing he sees is _her_. And he knows what it means.

That crystal-clear vision ruined him for good.

He puts a hand on the glass in front of him and lowers his head as the truth he's kept hidden away in an ocean of denial finally floods around him. He hates Rey for everything she did – everything she didn't do. He wants to end her for what she's still doing to him, but he wants something else from her more. The galaxy, the control, the power. None of it is ever going to be good enough without Rey by his side, just like he saw.

It's all he wants. The galaxy and Rey. He feels he has nothing without her.

He gives in and embraces the memory of the vision. Where he used to cringe and cower from it, he now lets it wrap him up fully. It's so clear that he can feel her near, and it takes away the loneliness he's responsible for bringing on himself.

Her brown hair, her lips that don't frown at him, her eyes that wrap him up with a sense of trust just like that night in the hut – she's so close to him. And he suddenly needs her. He reaches out with a shaky hand, but just as he's about to touch her face, she flinches. He blinks in confusion at her reaction. It's his daydream. She shouldn't be leaning away from him…

His eyes open wide to the dark room when he realizes the truth of what's going on.

She's really here, standing behind him. He was so caught up and out of control that he didn't notice when his imagination merged with reality. He quickly drops his hand from the window and looks behind him. Her eyes widen and her lips part slightly.

He finds out too late that she's making that expression because of the tears running down his face. He had no idea they were there and turns to face forward again, feeling complete shame and embarrassment for it. Of all the times she had to come, it had to be now…it had to be during the one, brief moment he gave into his weakness...

Then he feels it. The pity.

She slowly walks up to him and reaches out.

"Don't touch me," he snaps.

' _Please touch me,'_ the small voice says.

Her hand stops inches away from him, then drops to her side. He blinks one more time, and the last of the tears he's forced a stop to fall on his chest. They're left to stand in silence until she finally fades away.

* * *

A/N: As far as angst goes, this was pretty bad, but I believe this is the state Kylo would be in after all that happened. I promise future chapters will be nowhere near this depressing. Things are going to get a little better for him now that he's had another breakdown.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for the reviews last chapter! I want to give a shoutout to 'Guest', who went in depth on a couple of points. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all that. It helps me immensely when plot points are addressed and broken down.

I changed the cover art for this fic, but read the author's note below to find out more about it. ;)

Disclaimer: No own, no sue.

* * *

 **Fading Touch**

 _Chapter Two_

...

"You're looking well today."

Kylo glances at Hux who's eyeing him with his hands wrapped behind his back. His voice is low enough that the people standing at the other end of the large room can't hear.

"Compared to what?"

"Your…usual self," he says with a hint of distaste that does not go unnoticed. "You've seemed ill and very on edge lately."

"I'm fine."

"Good. I was worried the Supreme Leader's death was affecting you far worse than you were letting on."

' _Worried? Tch,'_ he thinks bitterly. This is the part he's supposed to say his former master will be missed and that losing him was a tragedy. He won't, though. Constantly acting like he cares is wearing on him and mustering up the fake-hurt is getting harder to do. Hux narrows his eyes at his silence.

"She's a curious thing that girl – the new Jedi," he says. "She was able to assassinate Snoke, kill the entire Elite Praetorian Guard, and take you on in a fight only for it to end with you being knocked unconscious."

Kylo can hear the insinuation and knows full well that Hux has been suspicious since he came to in the throne room. He borders dangerously close to knowing what really happened, but Kylo lets him speculate all he wants. The idiotic general is no threat to him and the man can prove nothing.

It's a good thing he has his uses, or he would have been dead weeks ago.

"She's strong with the Force and we underestimated that."

"Yes…underestimating her was the problem. She's very powerful."

"Is there something you want to say, General Hux?"

"There is, actually. You should know that some are looking at the situation with disbelief. I haven't been able to convince those asking of the truth. As your loyal general, I suggest you explain to them what happened. Set their minds at ease."

He doesn't offer Hux an acknowledgment, nor does the general wait for one. He turns to leave because this is the same thing he heard yesterday from someone else and it irritates him. Also, he really can't stand the sound of the cowardly man's voice.

Before he gets too far, Hux adds, "If she is that powerful, she's probably the biggest threat the First Order has right now. The sooner she's dead, the better for us all."

He's not sure if Hux notices, but there's a pause in his steps before he resumes his hard gait a second later.

* * *

Looking well is one thing, but feeling it is a whole other story.

His eyes aren't red anymore, which is nice, but he'll take the bloodshot mess he looked back in a heartbeat if he could trade it for what's replaced it. He sees something else in the mirror now, and it's frighteningly close to what a younger version of him-

Wait, no…not him. It's close to a look a younger Ben Solo used to make. Back when the light was all but diminished and darkness hadn't taken him in yet. Lost. Confused. Drowning in heartache. He tries to avoid the girl that causes it, but it's impossible to be free of her. If he's not ignoring her when she's around, the rest of the time is spent trying to not think about the life she denied him.

It's difficult, though, because all he _does_ think about is how different, how much better, things could be if she had just taken his hand when he offered it to her…

* * *

"Are you planning on ever speaking to me again?" Rey asks. Her voice lacks contempt, but she's clearly unhappy by the way she's standing with her arms crossed.

One of the stormtroopers looks his way, probably curious about why he's staring at the ground so intently. Turning his gaze back to the glass wall displaying the docking bay, he considers ignoring her until she leaves, but when she steps closer and asks again, he sighs and dismisses everyone in the room.

"No," he says calmly when they're alone. "I don't want to talk today."

"You haven't wanted to the past few days, either."

"It's no different from all the other times we've ignored each other."

"Yes, it is. You're not acting the same." She unfolds her arms and her tone lowers. "You won't look at me."

"Does it bother you?"

She hesitates. "That's not the point."

"Then what is the point of you bringing this up?"

"It's about the other night and…what I saw."

"The only thing you saw," he grumbles, "was something you shouldn't have, and we are not going to discuss it."

"I'm not talking about you crying, Ben."

Ah, there it is…

It takes a lot of effort to keep himself from reacting to her words. She's watching him closely and he's _not_ going to show her how thoroughly unnerved he is to hear her say that.

He's wondered about it since she caught him like that. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when she showed up, and too ignorant to realize Rey was probably entirely aware of the way he tried to touch her. Though, looks like the 'probably' just turned into a 'definitely'.

He briefly pinches the bridge of his nose, but he's too drained and tired to feel the embarrassment. Now it made sense why Rey flinched away from him. She really _did_ see and feel it all - his loss, his need, the desperation he was looking at her with.

"What did you see, exactly?" When she looks away, cheeks tinted red, he suddenly decides he doesn't want to know the answer. "Never mind. Forget I asked," he quickly adds.

He turns back to what he was doing earlier, staring at the bay of soldiers and ships gearing up to leave for the dreadnaught nearby, and waits impatiently for their link to end. That, or some semblance of anger to make him feel better. He was viciously taught to use it in times of weakness like this, but, for some reason, he can't find it in him right now.

"I think I'm wrong," she says as she steps closer. "I thought you were feeling better, but maybe you really aren't."

"We're done talking about this."

He's not sure if it's the aggressive edge in his voice or something else, but she doesn't press him about it further. Instead, she sighs and both of them stand in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"What are you watching?" she asks.

"Stormtroopers."

"Leaving for a mission to find the Resistance?"

"Something like that."

"Are you having any luck with your search?"

"You would know if I was."

"Still planning to kill us," she states. Her judgmental eyes bare into him and he turns his head away from her so he doesn't have to see it. ' _Not you. Just them_.'

"Of course."

"Will you at least look at me when you say that?"

He grits his teeth and won't for a long moment, but he feels he can't escape her right now. When he does turn to look down at her, she's standing closer than he thought and his gaze goes from her narrowed eyes to her lips.

"Of course," he repeats in a mumble.

"The people you're sending out – they'll never find us."

"Yes, they will." There's some news he was given recently, in particular with this subject, that makes him frown in annoyance. "It probably won't take long, either, with your current leader in charge."

"What do you mean?"

"Poe Dameron. The pilot who's now a high ranking general, or so I've heard. He's not very tactful."

"Where did you hear he's our leader?" When he doesn't answer, her voice lowers. "Your information is wrong. He's not leading the Resistance."

"Who is, then? I'm curious to know."

Her brow creases together. "It's the same as it's always been. Your mother."

Kylo freezes as the air around him seems to disappear, and it takes him a solid ten seconds to put his suddenly lost thoughts together. "You're lying," he hisses with a glare.

"I'm not." More confusion settles over her and she subtly tries to reach out and skim across his thoughts. He keeps her out, but doesn't try hard enough to keep her in the dark. "You thought she was dead."

She _is_ dead. He saw that explosion up close and knew full well his mother was on that bridge. Familiar emotions start to slip past his now cracked shell of apathy – the same ones that had him at odds when he realized his mother was aboard the resistance ship in the path of his missiles.

"She survived the attack. Her injuries are still recovering, but she's going to be fine." Rey's expression softens and the hard edge to her voice disappears. "I didn't know you thought that. I would have told you earlier if I knew."

"Doesn't matter."

"She misses you, you know."

He quickly looks away from Rey.

"She says she's lost you, but I know she doesn't really feel that way."

"Enough," he says with clenched fists.

Rey pauses but doesn't listen to him. "I haven't told anyone what you did to Snoke, except her. I told her you saved my life."

" _Stop_."

"I've been asking her about you lately. She doesn't say much. I think it causes her too much pain, but she told me something last night-"

"I said stop!"

With the harshest scowl he can muster, he steps closer to Rey until he's inches away from her. Startled, she backs up a step but then stands her ground as he follows. He looms over her threateningly and she does her best to look unaffected, but he catches the way her lip quivers.

"What are you trying to do here?" he asks, fuming. "Lying like this. Was your goal to try and get a rise out of me?"

"No-"

"Well, you've gotten it. Are you done?"

She narrows her eyes. "I am _not_ lying to you, Ben."

He tries very hard not to let that loathsome name get to him. She always does this. _Always_ calls him 'Ben' when she's trying to make a point. He can't stand it. "I don't believe you."

"Then see it for yourself."

A memory is offered to him – a straight path right into her mind with a single thought left completely unguarded. It doesn't take him even a second to know it's full of proof, and even less time to decide he's not going anywhere near it. When his forced-indifference crumbles into relief, his glare hardens.

There are so many words on the tip of his tongue he wants to say to her. He's not sure what they are exactly, but the sudden need to yell and rage over his shattered composure is overpowering. He leans closer to her to take the intimidation up a notch, but when his mouth opens to start, he freezes.

Their link has bewildered him from the start. They're always able to see each other with complete clarity, and when they both reached out that night he saw the vision, it was powerful enough that he could feel her skin when they touched.

They aren't reaching for each other like they did that night, and so it shocks him when he can feel her warm breath brushing across his face with every exhale. It not just that, either. Her body heat was pressing against him; warm and very, very real.

"Look," she insists, still offering the memory.

He blinks a few times before whispering his final answer. "No."

She frowns at him and a few long, tense seconds later, she disappears before his eyes. Cold air bites at his body where she was standing only seconds ago.

* * *

It's inevitable that he tells the generals under his command that Leia Organa is still alive and leading the Resistance. He spent a night pacing in his bedroom trying to come up with reasons to keep that a secret. But at the end of the exhausting arguments with himself, he decided he'll feel far worse if he doesn't tell them she's still alive.

He's committed to the First Order, or at least, the new one he's going to create. He has to constantly tell himself that to feel good about giving that secret away.

Rey doesn't bring Leia up again, and she doesn't so much as hint she's ever going to either. It's honestly not something he expects. He thought she would jump on the opportunity to use this knowledge to drive her incessant points home. If the roles were reversed, he certainly would. Probably.

He considers himself lucky for a brief time until the way she looks at him starts to change. It's small glances here and there when she thinks he doesn't notice. They're not glares anymore. Instead, her eyes are full of curiosity and ill-tasting pity.

Then it hits him. That infuriating girl…she really _has_ been talking to Leia about him.

His mother is probably telling her things she has no business knowing. Whatever they may be, the one thing he knows for certain is that they're all about Ben Solo, and Rey is the last person he wants those stories being told to.

* * *

Due to the news of the much smarter leader back in action, a new proposal for finding the Resistance was recently drafted and sent to him for approval. He's going through it as he sits at the desk in his new, massive bedroom. The light of hyperspace passes the windows as the dreadnought continues on its way to the Core Regions.

His eyes start to look up more from the datapad to check the time every few minutes. It's getting late in the day and Rey still hasn't shown up. It's not normal and it makes him antsier than he'd like to admit.

Giving up with trying to stay focused, he sets the report down on his desk and listens to the faint hum of the ship. It's quiet enough for his tastes, but his room feels too large, even for a commander. No one person needs all this empty space…it's easily big enough for two.

His eyes move over to the bed and he bites his tongue as he looks across the black sheets. He wonders, had Rey taken his hand that day, had she been here with him now, if she would be willing to share it all with him. The ship, the room, the bed.

It's easy to imagine his vision was more than just a simple alliance…

The longer he stares, the more salacious his thoughts become. He's imagined it a couple of times already here and there. It's really hard not to when she's constantly on his mind. Late at night as he lays awake staring at the wall, sometimes he'll run his hand across the silk sheets and pretend he's not the only one lying there.

He'll close his eyes and picture the way he'd easily doze off if she were sleeping in his arms. He imagines the things he might say to her after a long stressful day, and what things she'd tell him about hers. And then at last, he pictures himself wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace, his lips planting kisses on her neck, him pushing her down on those sheets.

He's got nothing else to do and it's really hard to push the daydreams away after he's already let them in, so he indulges himself a little and tries to picture it in a little more detail.

He doesn't get past ideas of foreplay before the star of his lewd fantasies appears.

In a panic, he reigns in whatever emotions or thoughts that might be loose and steels his mind. If she were to walk in on uncontrolled thoughts like that – eh, he didn't even want to think about it. He fidgets in his chair to try to calm his racing heart and somewhat stiff problem down below, then looks over his desk and spots Rey on the floor.

She hasn't noticed him yet (which is surprising) and seems to be too content with staring at something in the distance. She sits cross-legged wearing simple grey desert clothes. Though, he notes it's tighter than her usual. The sight doesn't help his worked-up state he put himself in when he was imaging her with a little less clothing on not a moment ago.

She's oblivious to his curious eyes for a minute or two until she finally turns toward him, jumping a little in surprise.

"How long have you been there?" she asks as she quickly stands up.

"A while. What are you looking at?"

She looks back at what she was before and fidgets like she's not sure she wants to tell him. She lifts her hand palm up and the feeling of water hitting his own follows. He looks down to see droplets slip onto his datapad.

"A storm," she says as he takes his glove off and touches the too-real water. "I like watching them."

"Most people think they're depressing."

"I don't. They're still kind of new to me. I could watch them all day."

"It never stormed on Jakku?"

"Not where I lived. There was rarely ever a cloud in the sky."

He decides to leave his hand free and takes the other glove off as well. "You never left that desert before all of this, did you?"

"I thought you knew that already."

"I don't remember you ever telling me."

"Wasn't it something you took at Starkiller Base?" she asks accusingly.

He looks away and cringes a little at the memory of his attempted interrogation, and how horribly it backfired. "No, it wasn't."

She sighs. "I never left or did anything different with my life until I found BB-8."

"The droid that started it all?"

"Yes."

' _Snoke would have found you,_ ' he thinks offhandedly. He supposes he should feel relieved things happened the way did before his former master could find his 'equal' in the light. Snoke probably would have killed her before he ever had the chance to meet her.

"Are we going to be stuck like this for the rest of our lives?" she asks quietly. "Always seeing each other like this."

"I don't know."

"I've been thinking about it; trying to understand. Snoke used it to lure me out. I don't think he intended to keep the link between us."

"You think he knew of a way to stop it?"

"Yes."

"I don't."

"Why?"

"Because-" he falters a little, like he always does when this particular memory comes to mind, "I was supposed to kill you. If he had a plan to end it, I'm sure that's what it was."

Whatever hopeful attitude she had about it earlier diminishes, but it doesn't affect her spark of determination. "You were his apprentice. Has he ever done anything like this before?"

"What's happening to us? No. But…"

"But what?" she presses.

"Snoke was able to communicate with me through the Force. I could hear him and we could speak with each other, but I never saw him."

"Could you ever end the link with him?"

"No, I had no control over it."

She bites her lip briefly. "When did he start speaking to you?"

He leans back in his chair, eyeing her suspiciously. "Why do you want to know?"

"I've heard stories about it; how Snoke was the one that turned you. But no one knows for certain when it started."

' _Leia doesn't know for certain,'_ he thinks.

He doesn't really want to answer. He's a little peeved that she specifically used the words 'turned you'. He was always destined for the Dark Side. It was going to happen whether Snoke was there to show him a quicker path or not.

"When I was a child." There's a flash of pity in her eyes and he sighs when he sees it. "You can run and tell the general that now. I'm sure she'll be eager to know. Though, she would have known the answer already if she were ever around to notice back then."

"What do you mean?"

He shakes his head. He's already said more than he wanted to. If she wants to know so bad, Leia can explain to her why everyone was always so surprised to find out she and Han Solo had a son. Cast aside because they were too busy fighting an unwinnable war, practically forgotten about, left alone with nothing but the whispers of a stranger in his head.

"This is nothing like the link Snoke and I had. I don't know how it works, what triggers it, or why it's so strong."

"Ben, what did you mean by that?" she asks, completely ignoring what he just said.

"Stop calling me that. It's not my name," he grumbles. "And I've said all I'm going to say about it."

Her lips tighten into a thin line, and she looks back at the storm. "So, you have no ideas how to stop this?"

"None."

Now that he's thinking about it, it's been a while since the last time he sat down and tried to figure this connection out. It's not as aggravating as it used to be in the beginning, truthfully. Rey is still popping in at the most inopportune moments, but it wasn't as terrible a thing as he used to believe. Right now, it's not enough to force his attention on a fix…

Part of him is a little afraid of what will happen if they do figure out how to shut this off…

"You'd end this right here and now if you could?" he asks.

"Of course. I'd rather not see you like this every day for the rest of my life."

He looks to the spot her storm is raging, trying to avoid the painful ache her words cause.

"No, I'm sure you wouldn't…"

* * *

Rey is showing up in his dreams now.

He knows it's not really her, just his mind conjuring her up. She doesn't do or say anything to him, but merely hovers in the background watching. Whenever he tries to approach her, she disappears before his eyes like she does when he's awake.

He figures it's just his subconscious getting some sort of sick satisfaction out of dangling something he knows he can't have right in front of him. Though, that's not the worst part about it.

It's contributing to him getting used to her being around. And It's _not_ a good thing. He doesn't notice her during an important meeting, and she hears something she shouldn't because of it.

"Our spies speculate it's a supply line for the resistance," someone says over a holo.

"Then we'll take them out," says Hux.

"No," he interrupts, "if it's a supply line, I want to know where the source is. Capture their leaders alive so we can interrogate them. Where are they?"

"The Voss system, surprisingly."

"Send a small fleet. The Cadinth Run should only take a day to get to from here."

A few more details are hashed out before he dismisses those in the room. He's walking to the door when he finally catches Rey nearby with her arms folded in disapproval.

"I'm busy," he says.

"I can see that."

He's about to leave but stops when he can't help but notice that her glare is more hostile than it usually is. When it dawns on him why that could be, he narrows his eyes. "How much of that did you hear?"

"All of it."

' _Perfect,'_ he inwardly groans. "Are you going to run and tell everyone now?"

"Yes, when they get back." Frowning, he goes for the door again, but she suddenly plants herself right in the way. When she makes it clear she's not going to move, he sighs and decides he'll pass the time staring at her lips. "I've noticed something about you."

"Oh? What would that be?"

"The meetings I've seen you in all boil down to one thing. Killing or hurting people."

"You're probably right," he deadpans and sits back down in one of the chairs.

"That's all you're going to say?"

"It's all there _is_ to say."

Getting visibly irritated, she asks, "Is ruining people's lives all you and the First Order ever discuss?"

His eyes droop half-lidded because it's damn frustrating he can't find it in him to snap at her. However, though the anger is lacking, he's still annoyed. He doesn't have the patience for a pointless argument right now and briefly toys with ideas that'll make her stop glaring at him.

Taking her by surprise with a kiss would probably do it. That would certainly be the fastest way to shut her up…

"Don't like it?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then why don't you come run these meetings yourself?"

"I'm not in the mood to joke right now."

"I'm not trying to be funny, Rey."

He turns away the nagging reminders of the useless promises about doing this again he made himself agree to. But he can't help the opportunity, and he's growing weary of acting like this isn't what he wants. She's probably going to reject him again but…whatever.

She does a valiant job to try and hide it, but it's clear his words stun her. "I thought you took that back."

"I haven't."

She hesitates a moment. "If- If it were my choice, we wouldn't have these meetings in the first place. We wouldn't have the galaxy under a reign of terror."

"We…" He likes the sound of that in her voice. "What would we do, then?"

"I don't know." She tightens her folded arms. "Why are you still offering this to me?"

Because, for some convoluted reason, he feels like she's all he has left in this empty-feeling galaxy. Even though it's the simple truth, it doesn't quite explain it the way he wants, so he does what she did to him when she brought his mother up. He offers an unguarded memory to her.

' _This is why,_ ' he says to her through his thoughts.

" _What is it?"_

' _The vision I saw.'_

She doesn't look into it and he feels conflicting signs of curiosity and fear building inside her before she backs away from him, cutting him off.

"Are you saying that you would stop these meetings if I joined you?"

"You make it sound like I'm blackmailing you."

"Isn't that what's going on here?"

"No. You'd know that you would just look." She dodges another one of his attempts to show her. "Why won't you take it?"

"I don't want to see it."

"Lying again…I can feel how curious you are."

A blush settles on her cheeks and she fidgets. "I really hate it when you do this."

"You try to get a peek at what I'm feeling all the time. There's hardly a difference."

"Would you listen to me if I asked you to stop?"

"No," he says simply. "That was a decent attempt to change the subject."

She glowers at him. "I said I don't need to see it. Just tell me why."

"I'm trying to."

Something about this topic is getting to her. He's not sure what exactly, but he can feel the control over her emotions start to slip. She's flustered and feeling cornered, even though her stony face says otherwise.

"Have you thought about my offer since I made it?" he asks. When she avoids his eyes and refuses to answer him, he presses, "Tell me."

"Hardly."

"That's not a 'no'." His brow raises in surprise. "You _have_ thought about it."

"I've thought more about what life would be like if you left the First Order with me."

"Don't try to change the subject again." He stands up from his chair and approaches her. She quickly takes a step back. "What did you imagine it would be like?"

"I don't have daydreams of ruling the galaxy," she says with a deeper scowl.

"Maybe not. But you have imagined something about it, haven't you?"

"I can guarantee it's not what you think it is. I have _no_ desire for that kind of power."

"Then what is it? Tell me what you saw."

"Why does it matter?"

"It just does."

He'll blame his persistence for the reason her composure is slipping even more. For some reason, she's starting to panic, and thoughts he wants to hear bubble to the surface. He eagerly pushes against her mind to hear them.

"Don't," she growls as she tries to pull back from his reach.

"You're so nervous. Why are you trying so hard to hide it from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything! I just don't want you in my head."

Her fear heightens even more as he gets closer to whatever it is she's trying to keep him from seeing. However, just as it's within his grasp, Rey turns the reach right around and slams into his mind. He's caught off guard, not expecting the blow at all, and the brief, searing pain shatters the mental link. He flinches and pulls away from her, taking a step back as he does so.

"I said _don't_."

Before he can utter a word, the door at the other side of the room opens and interrupts them. He quickly straightens up when Hux steps in.

"Oh, there you are." As the general approaches him, he tries to keep his attention level and cool, but his eyes slip to Rey one too many times. "There is someone on the holo for you at the bridge."

"It can wait."

"You want to take this one. It's an angry supplier we can't afford to lose."

"It can wait," he seethes again.

Hux tightens his jaw. "Very well. I'll tell him our new Supreme Leader is busy with," he glances around the empty room, "staring at the wall."

Kylo bounds his hands into tight fists, half tempted to Force choke Hux who seems to be especially condescending today.

"Shall I take the call on your behalf?" Hux asks smoothly. "I have the reputation and experience for negotiations like these. I dealt with suppliers often under Supreme Leader Snoke."

"…"

As much as he wants everyone but Rey to disappear for a few minutes, the idea of the bothersome general getting friendly with his supporters makes his stomach churn. He walks past Hux, who eyes him in annoyance. Before he walks through the door, he looks at Rey one last time over his shoulder. _'This conversation isn't over,'_ he tells her.

The only response he gets is her turning her back to him.

* * *

Kylo Ren is many things, but a fool is not one of them. There's really only one thing he can feasibly believe Rey would get so worked up over to keep from him. She wouldn't shy away the way she did if it was some type of rejection or disappointment. No…she did it because the opposite is true. Whatever she imagined, whatever she was hiding from him, has to do with acceptance, even if the degree is small.

Or so he likes to believe.

She pictured it – the life he offered her. And if her flustered appearance told him anything, it's that…that she might…

' _Feel something other than dislike,'_ he thinks.

Something like that was always too much to hope for. Rey caring for him beyond some pompous desire to bring him to the Light? Her actually thinking about what a life allied with him would look like? Unlikely after all she's said…

But…if there is a chance…

* * *

His need to know borders on obsession. It's quite pathetic, really.

It's consumed every thought of his since she disappeared from sight earlier. Even now, in a fitful sleep dreaming about who knows what, he's _still_ thinking about it. Granted, it doesn't help when Rey's been watching him in the background of every single dream he's had the past couple of weeks.

He's coherent enough to know he's asleep. Everything around him is fleeting and hazy. He sees Rey's blurry figure where it usually is, and like always, he follows her when she tries to leave. This time is different, though. He needs to see her face. He needs some sort of acknowledgement she knows he's there before she disappears.

In his desperation, he's able to grab onto her for the first time and whirls her around to face him. Even still, she won't look up at him.

"Rey."

She doesn't respond.

"Rey," he presses.

Still no response.

"Why won't you look at me?" As blurry as everything is, he can still see her stiffen at his words. His hand slides up her arm and he grips her harder. Not enough to hurt, but firm enough to try to keep her from disappearing.

He knows none of this is real, but still he asks the question he can't stop thinking about.

"What did you see?"

Eyes he doesn't recognize finally look up at him. They aren't the warm hazel he's used to seeing. Instead, they're as blue as the lightsaber she stole from him. And for some reason, they feel just as dangerous.

But there's little he's afraid of, so he lets them wrap him up.

He's not quite sure how to explain what happens next. She starts talking to him and he answers her calmly each time. The words are lost in the dreamlike atmosphere and he has no idea if what she's saying is an answer to the question he asked.

Then her lips are suddenly pressing against his.

Whatever wispy train of thought he had comes to a screeching halt. With his eyes wide, her warm hand cups his jaw, then moves back until it's buried in his hair.

He's more than surprised when he realizes it's her that grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him down. _She's_ the one who leaned up to do this. Not him. Even though he's longed for nothing else but the chance to do this, it's _her_ that decides to kiss him first.

It's just a dream. He knows that, but still…

He closes his eyes and responds but is hesitant to touch anything else besides her lips; still rattled by her practically jumping him. But, again, it's a dream. What reason does he have not to reach out to her when she'd surly deny him if he tried this in reality?

It feels like some sort of drug takes over him as his hands land on her hips. When she shows no signs of pulling away, he dares to bring her closer until they are practically chest to chest. Knowing that none of this is real boosts his confidence and he decides he has nothing to lose.

The pace of their kiss picks up, she clings impossibly hard to him, and he can't help the way his heart pounds against his chest when his hands run up her back to make her shiver and gasp.

The dream takes off from there, morphing into heat, wild desperation, and an intense sense of urgency. He doesn't care that it makes him feel like he's losing control of himself. Such a feeling always left him on edge, but he'll gladly let the devilish hands touching his skin take him away like this.

He pushes her down onto something soft, uncaring of what it was or how they got in this position. The heat between them is stifling, but he needs more of it. He needs more of this not-Rey until he believes these strange blue eyes mirroring his own hungry look are really hers.

He trails kisses down her neck and she digs her nails into his shoulder as another shiver runs through her. His hands are emboldened by the reactions she giving him and he moves them down to touch other things that will make her writhe.

However, she freezes when a distant noise appears, blaring like an alarm.

He groans and tries to ignore it. He kisses her neck again, but she doesn't arch her back the way she did last time. The noise gets closer and much louder until it's all he can hear. Rey's blue eyes open wide the moment they see his, she grabs his shoulders and pushes him off of her.

* * *

His eyes fly open to the dark ceiling of his room. The datapad on his nightstand is blinking in tandem with the alarm going off at the message console by his desk. With a frustrated growl, he throws the small sheet covering him to the side and gets up.

He's painfully aware of how hard and sweaty he is as he stomps over to the console. He hits the message line harder than necessary. "What is it?" he spits.

"Sir, we recently received word from the fleet we sent to the Candith Run."

"And?"

"It's completely empty. There are signs the base was occupied recently, but there is no sign of the Resistance."

"You woke me to tell me _that_?"

"I-I'm sorry, sir. General Hux ordered us to inform you of this development. He wants to know what you intend to do with the fleet now that they've-"

He slams his hand down on the message line again and swears with all he has that Hux is going to regret that. It's one thing if they found the Resistance, but it's another if it's just some empty base! Certainly not worth waking him up and ruining his dream for something as menial as that!

Grumbling, he opens the report on the datapad. He fully expected it to be empty thanks to Rey tipping them off, but his already bad mood drives his anger up a notch. He spends a few minutes reading through it and putting together orders to bring the fleet back here.

Once they're sent off, he leans against the desk with folded arms, but when he notices the sweat on his chest, he scowls and stalks off to the bathroom. However, before he reaches the door, he spots something in his bed that wasn't there before.

Laying in the same spot he was a few minutes ago is Rey. Of all the things he wasn't expecting tonight, this definitely outdid them all. Her eyes are closed and she's breathing slowly. As quiet as he can, he takes a couple steps toward her just to make sure she really is asleep.

Her bed must be in the same spot as his, or something like that…it looks a little too real, even with how strong their connection is.

It's hard to back away from her, especially since he's so entranced by how natural it all looks, but his stiff problem down below still hasn't gone away and he prefers it if she doesn't see and question why. He walks back over to his desk and sits down in the chair because he's not sure what else to do.

There is plenty of room on the other side of the bed, but getting in next to her without her knowing made him feel a little squeamish.

He leans back against the headrest, deciding he'll just wait it out before going to sleep again. The minutes slowly pass and his eyes stay solely on her. He's never seen her hair loose the way it is right now, and it's a look he decides he likes. That, and her simple shirt, bare arms, and slightly parted lips.

He feels a little guilty hoping that his dream will pick up where it left off once he falls asleep again. 'Unsatisfied' was a light word to describe how he feels. And to be left staring at the untouchable girl it was all about is incredibly…frustrating.

He lets out a heavy sigh and closes his eyes. His body relaxes more into the chair and a calm he can only blame on Rey's presence brings him close to sleep. He's drifting off in a doze, nearly dreaming again, when he senses something in front of him.

He cracks his eyes open and Rey is no longer lying in his bed. She's standing close to him, slightly leaned forward with her hand reaching for his face. She stiffens the moment she sees he's awake and quickly pulls back.

She shifts uncomfortably and clears her throat, then asks, "Were you asleep?"

"Almost." He straightens up and eyes the hand that was about to touch his scarred cheek. "Weren't you?"

"Something woke me up." Her eyebrows knit together slightly as she looks him over. "Why are you sleeping in a chair?"

' _You were in my bed,_ ' he thinks but doesn't tell her.

"No reason."

"Oh…"

"What were you doing just now?"

"Nothing," she says as she looks away.

She starts to turn around to walk away, but he grabs her wrist to stop her. It's the first time they've touched since that night he saw a future with her a part of it. She weakly tugs to free herself, but he doesn't let go. When her questioning eyes find him, he's the one who looks away as an awkward air settles between them.

"No vision?" he asks quietly.

"No…"

His grip loosens a little, but only so he can bring it down to her hand. It's small and feels fragile compared to his. He could probably crush it without much effort. Lowering his head, he runs his thumb lightly across her smooth skin.

Rey sucks in a breath and successfully gets away when she rips her hand from his. He won't look up at her, but he doesn't need to in order to feel the confusion and rejection on her face. She walks over to the bed without another word, then sits down, facing away from him.

His fingers ghost against his palm, still warm from touching her.

"What did you see?" he whispers.

' _A life with me…tell me what you see…'_

She wraps her arms around her knees and doesn't answer.

* * *

Voices around him mix together as they argue and debate. He stopped listening long ago and stares out the window into the vastness of space, wondering if one of the stars he's looking at is the same one Rey is near.

It barely the middle of the day, but his eyes struggle to stay open as if he's been awake for weeks. For the first time in his life, he wants to go back to bed and spend the day sleeping. A kind of depression he hasn't felt since he was a teenager is setting in and it's dragging him down with a vengeance.

After that display last night and the needy thought he let her hear, he's positive Rey's figured out just how bad this has gotten. At least for him, it was a clear enough sign of how hard he's fallen for her. How much that damn vision has taken over his life and changed him…

"We may have failed with our previous mission, but the Resistance has more than one supply line. It's never taken long for us to find them."

"I've already sent agents out to hunt down the other suppliers," says Hux, "We have ways to get them to tell us where the Resistance is."

"It'll be a simple matter of cutting them off and waiting until they come out of hiding."

"The plan isn't to smoke them out. It's to locate whatever base they're staying at and razing it with cannon fire until there's nothing left but ash."

The image that Hux's words bring on makes his throat tighten. "There's been a change of plans," Kylo says lowly.

"What change?" Hux asks as the people in the room look between the general and their leader.

It's a gamble – one he's not sure will play out in his favor. There's something about the way she didn't want him to hear her thoughts and the way she was about to touch him last night had he not woken up; _something_ about it he can't shake. She said she had no interest in his offer, but…

If even the slightest chance existed, would it be possible to…convince her?

Now that he realizes it, he hasn't exactly tried to sway her. He's just been wallowing in the fact that she already told him no.

Choices are volatile, and minds can change so easily. Even with stubborn Jedi. The Resistance is going to be destroyed – that much is guaranteed, but as for Rey and what her future might be without them…

He hopes there's a way to convince her it could be next to him.

"I want the girl brought here."

"You mean the Jedi?" Hux scoffs. "She's the biggest reason support for the Resistance is building. The moment they heard she's Skywalker's successor, they came out of hiding and rushed to their aide. If any one of them needs to die more quickly than the rest, it's her."

Hux stumbles back as Kylo reaches through the air and Force chokes him. Like always, everyone fidgets nervously and takes a step back from his direction. "Do any of you have a problem with my order?"

Heads shake and 'no, sir's' are mumbled throughout the room. He drops Hux and he falls to the ground panting. The general glares at him and Kylo matches it easily. There's a long, tense minute before Hux says, "None."

"Good. I want her brought here to me. Alive and unharmed."

* * *

A/N: I realize there's a lot of what appears to be useless dialogue in this chapter. However, it's not just idle chat. There's a lot of setup going on for future chapters even if it doesn't look like it up front.

Sooooo since I'm Reylo trash, I went and drew some fanart. One is the cover art for this fic and the other is a scene happening next chapter. Go check out my profile over at DeviantArt (same pen name) and both will be in my gallery. I like to draw pics for the fics I write, so there's more coming for future chapters!


End file.
